3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
