i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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