Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.

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(406): I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea. http://tfl.nu/bq8d

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.

(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

thats a woman

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(709): she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her. (709): thats a woman http://tfl.nu/e6ls

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.

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(508): she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her. http://tfl.nu/2xab

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(207): View more from Maine

I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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(207): I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole. http://tfl.nu/al7a

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(206): View more from Washington

well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas

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(206): well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas http://tfl.nu/i2gq

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(509): View more from Washington

im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid

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(509): im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid http://tfl.nu/xma9

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.

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(857): Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/agqx

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(607): View more from New York

Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.

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(607): Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey. http://tfl.nu/4gnd

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(847): View more from Illinois

as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

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(847): as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning? http://tfl.nu/weqo

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.

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(612): Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls. http://tfl.nu/jpdx

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(315): View more from New York

He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.

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(315): He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits. http://tfl.nu/w5h8

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(310): View more from California

Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!

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(310): Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type! http://tfl.nu/avo3

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(765): View more from Indiana

She has a lazy eye!

(317): View more from Indiana

My other option is a hardwood floor

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(765): She has a lazy eye! (317): My other option is a hardwood floor http://tfl.nu/pxwj

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(607): View more from New York

So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?

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(607): So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear? http://tfl.nu/a30u

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(513): View more from Ohio

Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY

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(513): Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY http://tfl.nu/rc9r

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