Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life