I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.