Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?