It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.