Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

She was lying the whole time!

(310): View more from California

She was a great actress

(248): View more from Michigan

I was a great dumbass

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(248): She was lying the whole time! (310): She was a great actress (248): I was a great dumbass http://tfl.nu/8lxg

Replies (2) Good night (732) Bad night (1119)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

(860): View more from Connecticut

but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

(860): View more from Connecticut

but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

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(860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her (860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!" (860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies http://tfl.nu/084i

Replies (42) Good night (2502) Bad night (851)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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(603): So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find. http://tfl.nu/dz78

Replies (22) Good night (3204) Bad night (1229) Order T-Shirt
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(281): View more from Texas

Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles

(205): View more from Alabama

for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today

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(281): Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles (205): for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today http://tfl.nu/m9xp

Replies (9) Good night (464) Bad night (3030)
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(432): View more from Texas

So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..

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(432): So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone.. http://tfl.nu/o0ep

Replies (18) Good night (562) Bad night (4213) Order T-Shirt
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(310): View more from California

Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.

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(310): Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers. http://tfl.nu/s498

Replies (4) Good night (3441) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
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(416): View more from Toronto

sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

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(416): sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you. http://tfl.nu/2uqq

Replies (16) Good night (3803) Bad night (2330) Order T-Shirt
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(908): View more from New Jersey

you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"

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(908): you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind" http://tfl.nu/r0zl

Replies (4) Good night (2565) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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(703): View more from Virginia

I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked

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(703): I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked http://tfl.nu/pe02

Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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(301): View more from Maryland

Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

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(301): Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip. http://tfl.nu/7yby

Replies (63) Good night (2937) Bad night (5111)
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(719): View more from Colorado

If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.

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(719): If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila. http://tfl.nu/6g2r

Replies (25) Good night (2000) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
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(225): View more from Louisiana

We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl

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(225): We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl http://tfl.nu/f3ra

Replies (5) Good night (818) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
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(406): View more from Montana

He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.

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(406): He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell. http://tfl.nu/7ioa

Replies (11) Good night (1180) Bad night (737)
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(757): View more from Virginia

You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."

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(757): You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE." http://tfl.nu/ep4x

Replies (5) Good night (1401) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.

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(920): I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset. http://tfl.nu/b5mu

Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt

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