How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.