There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize