me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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