come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize