I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize