So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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