my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
