She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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