the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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