im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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