We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's