If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."