also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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