doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
