I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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