I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
