I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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