I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
