His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
3pm strippers are depressing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
