somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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