two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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