she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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