the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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