I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
