so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
