Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
