He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
