What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
