I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
