can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
please come you make the beer taste better
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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