I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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