Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
