WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize