Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
