She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize