i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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