Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Your penis caused this!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
