is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
