If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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