who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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