last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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