My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
