The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
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My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb