3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice