I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
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Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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