god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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