I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.