My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
and you fell through a lawn chair
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.