please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset