No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet