How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.