Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.