so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."