i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
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I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today