know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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