literally had 100 drinks last night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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